Sometimes I make light of it. Sometimes I face it. Mostly I just question it. Continual confusion, lack of direction, a distinct misunderstanding between my brain and reality. Why Cheesoid Exist? Day to day confusion is alleviated by time away from reality. Sat astride my bike I ride away from it all. Embed myself in the trail. Knowing why I exist. I bike therefore I am. Or, I bike therefore I am. Who knows.
The left path takes me where I’ve travelled before, down a road that feels easy, takes little effort but eventually leads to a dark valley with very steep sides. One I’m not inclined to leave. The right path requires me to wok. An ever rising trail taking me upwards and into the sunshine, painful now, rewarding with time. Trails replicating life, reflecting mood-states.
I know which way to go but I stop. I try to think. The thought of descent comforts me, moving downward with little effort.I don’t see the long term picture. I shirk away from the thought of working to gain freedom. Moving away for no real reason. Making an abstract delusion of the future. The real me loves to climb, loves the feeling of the lactate in my legs and arms. The internal me hates the thought of exposing myself to it, watching while I fall apart.
Which way to go?